I have the poorest self esteem right now. Even though I’m openly Agender I still feel as though there’s some mold I have to fill day to day and I cannot. I look at my clothes and put them on and become disappointed with the prospect of a cute outfit if I’m feeling more feminine because I don’t feel feminine enough in what I’m wearing. I don’t like to present hyper masculine (and would never be able to even with a binder because I’m too curvy in places where cisgender women are) and I don’t feel like I’m skinny enough to present androgynous. I haven’t found my identity in anything yet and it’s bringing me down that I can’t wake up and be happy with who I am. I’ve done the whole, cut my hair, colour my hair buy some new clothes (not that I bought a lot with the small amount of money I can’t spend on that) but it hasn’t helped yet. My hair feels too boyish. I don’t hate it but I don’t love it. I found comfort in my previous style, and not I’m scared to look different. At this point it’s about growing it out and getting something else that’s different until I land on what I can see in the mirror and smile be like “hey that cutie is me” but I’m not even close to there yet and being born and presenting as a cisgender woman for so many years has still severely fucked up my perception of how I do and want to identify.